I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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