no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
