if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
