She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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