he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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