So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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