dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
