God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
