I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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