I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
