the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
