Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
