is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
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If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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