I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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