I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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