I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
