Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
