Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
