Yo dont text me then not text me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
