hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
