is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
