I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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