I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
