i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
