Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
