After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
