i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
