I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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