Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
