What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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