Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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