Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
