why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
