I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
