He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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