we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
