We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
