i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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