If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
