Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
