he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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