you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
