So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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