you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All the doctor said was why
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
