yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
