why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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