party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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