I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This toilet bowl is my home.
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