wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
