Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
