he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
