I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
