problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
