Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
