I wish life had little blips of pornography
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
