i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
