Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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