Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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