Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
