1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
