what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
