I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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