I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
