dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize