If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
