he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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