Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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