I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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