I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
