I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im six kinds of drunk right now
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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