Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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